Hi everybody!
I hope this finds you well! First off I want to say thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement and reminded me that I am not alone in this after my last blog post! You are all such blessings to me! Second, I want to briefly address what's been going on these past few weeks. My dad is just getting home from the hospital today. As some of you may know, he's had a lot of health problems over the years, and I'm thankful that he's doing better. Please continue to keep him and my family in prayer.
So, I've been learning a lot lately... Especially in this season of loneliness. While I know I'm not alone, it still has been a very lonely time for me. In fact, much of my life has been, but I won't go into all that now. I really want to focus on this season. This season of my life is such an interesting one. It's a season of prolonged transition.
I've just come from an incredible school, where I built such strong, beautiful friendships with some of the most amazing people. I'm still readjusting in some ways to living back in the States, while also preparing to move overseas again. And I am so very much missing three wonderful, beautiful, incredible young women, and our time living together in France, and being so close with each other we were like family. They will always be family to me, no matter the distance, or time without speaking.
Now I'm here. Trying to connect, but not put down roots. Trying to build relationships and invest, but realizing that I'm leaving within the next several months. How easy, how desirable to just do something easier than this. It would be so much easier to give into the temptation of finding a "real" job, putting roots down, and calling it quits on Belfast. On missions. On my calling. SO much easier. Easier to throw up my hands and be done with it all. And believe me, it's been a thought.
"Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right." -Albus Dumbledore (JK Rowling). Say what you will about Harry Potter, but those are some wise words right there. I believe this is the time in my life where I'm making that choice. Sure, choosing to give up on being a missionary may not be the worst thing in the world. I could just do ministry here in the States, where I could actually get paid for it too! I could get a "real" job. I could do all of that, be a nice, normal, American girl, put down roots, get married, and not live an ocean away from my family.
But you know what? That would be wrong. That would be making a choice that was easy. Why is that? Because God has placed a calling on my life, and over one year ago He called me to a specific place, to specific people. And when He called me there, He knew exactly how long it would take for me to get there. He knows exactly who's lives I will impact, and exactly who will impact my life. See, it is so easy to loose perspective, and see the easy way out as an option, as the "right" choice when you live your life without eternity in mind.
My life is not my own. This earth is not my home. I believe this is why this has been such a lonely time for me. This is a time for me to draw close to God, to remember that having people surrounding me is not my everything. My everything is Christ, His love, and His blood shed for me, and the victory I have in His resurrection. God has a purpose for my life, He has given me a fire and a passion for people, and to see them set free, as I have been. This is what is right. This is my path. My flesh, and the devil are working hard to convince me to make the easy choice, but the One within me is stronger than both. The power that raised Christ from the dead is so much stronger than my own fleshly desires.
I could walk away. No one would fault me, or tell me I was doing wrong. But I know I would be. I would be abandoning that which the Lord has called me to. I find strength in knowing that I am stepping out and fulfilling the calling God has on my life. Let people think I'm crazy, or stupid, or foolish. Maybe I will be alone in this, maybe the rest of my life I will be alone, but I am not, nor will I ever be truly alone. There may not be one person around me, but I know that I am never alone.
"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20 ESV, Emphasis mine)
This is my time in the desert, my time of temptation. But I live not on bread alone, but on the word of God. I may be weak, but it is through that weakness the power of the Holy Spirit shines through. I'm no better, no higher, no greater than any person in this world. I fall down, I make mistakes, I sin, but I have to rely on God. Because of my brokenness, because of my sins, my failures, I know I need redemption. I have hope, I have love, I have security in who I am. I know that my home is not of this world, that my treasure is not here. I belong to Christ, and through His death and resurrection I am redeemed.
The Lord told me why He is sending me to Belfast. He told me He has plans for the people there. He told me that He wants to use me, to use the team I'm joining to bring wholeness by the power of His Spirit, to raise up worshipers and intercessors. He will move in a mighty way. I cling to this promise. I hold fast to His word.
So I have made my choice. I will walk out in the promises of God. I will choose what is right. I will follow the path He has laid out for me. I will continue to push through difficult times, to have faith when I cannot see the finish line. I will continue to run this race with endurance. I encourage you to do the same. Have faith. If God has promised you that it will come to pass, believe it. It might not look the way you want it to, but believe me, He will work everything out for the good of those that love him. Remember, we are running a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes things take longer than we want them to, but it will all be worth it in the end.
Blessings and Love,
Chrissy
