Who...are YOU?

Hello again! I just need to comment on the title: I wrote/read it like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland (the old cartoon). I have to be honest, not a huge fan of that movie, but for some reason when thinking of the title for this post, that's what came to mind.

So first off, Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanza! Whatever it is you celebrate this time of year, I hope that it will be a wonderful celebration filled with family, friends, and lots of love! I love this time of year, lights, music, family, delicious food... Most of all I love the uncontrollable sobbing that comes upon me when I think about Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus. Seriously, I'm not sure what's going on with me this year, but anytime I hear a song about how Jesus came down as a tiny little baby, or all the crap poor Mary had to go through (cause seriously guys, it was not easy for her...) I just want to burst into tears of joy and gratitude. I'm scared for the future, what if I'm pregnant, or just had a kid around this time of year? It's going to be horrendous! And if O come, O come Emmanuel comes on, forget it. It's done. I might literally drown in my own tears...

But I digress, I did not want to discuss my weepy Christmas issues here today. Much as I adore Christmas, and the beauty and wonder of it all, I want to shift gears here and talk about something else. I want to share with you a little bit of reflection. See, today marks a very important day. Today I've been back in the States for one year. Yes, it has been one year since I have been back from living in Marseille. I can't believe it! So, that being said, I need to talk about some things. I need to share a bit, because it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to (see what I did there?).

So here's the thing: When you get back from living overseas, your life changes. A Lot. Some of you are saying "Well, duh." most of those who said that, you've had experience in this area. Some of you said, "How? It was just a year..." oh good! Glad you asked! That's what this is about. I'm going to share a few key points as to how this experience changes your life, and how you, as someone who may not understand from experience, can be an understanding friend, sister, brother, mom, dad, etc. to someone you know who has experienced this. Understand that our identities have changed in a way, and as we're readjusting to life here, we're also readjusting to our roles, and who we are (hence the title of the blog!).

1. You lived in that country for one year, [Insert home country here]'s your real home. That was just a place you lived a while...

Okay, writing that statement was so hard for me. Anyway, here's why that thinking can really hurt someone who lived overseas (especially a missionary). When I was living in Marseille I invested so much in that place, in the people there. I loved it very deeply. I had to choose either to put down roots, or not. As a missionary, even though I knew I would only be there for a short while (one year and one month to be exact) I had to make a decision: either I would put some roots down, or I would stay aloof, and not be connected at all. So I chose roots. And while I do not regret it at all, not for a second, it was extremely painful to uproot myself from that place. It was my home, the people there had become family. My heart had grown very attached. So when people say things to me like "How can you miss [insert something French here] that much?" or "How can that feel like home? You lived in America your whole life!" it makes me sad. Because there is no way I can convey how I feel if you have not experienced it. 

So if someone says something like "I miss [insert country, tradition, cultural experience, etc. here]" Don't criticize them, just say something encouraging or supportive, like "I'm sure you do!" or "What about it do you miss?" or something, anything other than "You're American, in America, how can you miss that place? Get over it!" (This is an extreme example, but you get the point.)

2. Understand that if we talk about the country, language, people, etc. we're not trying to brag, once again, we probably genuinely miss it.

So it's hard for me to do this sometimes. I feel like I have to hold back when I miss something, or I get excited about something French, because I have gotten backlash from this. People thinking that I'm trying to brag about having lived in France. I'm not. And, while there are exceptions to this, most people aren't bragging, we just genuinely miss the place, people, singing in [insert language here], customs, etc. We are not better than you because we lived somewhere else, and most times, we don't think so. A lot of the time, this can be a hinderance for us to assimilate back into "normal" life, because this was such a big part of our lives, and who we are now, and if people are rejecting this part of us, we can often feel that all of us is being rejected. 

3. Speaking of assimilating back into "normal" life, this is a CHALLENGE. 

So be patient with us as we navigate it. For me it has been extremely difficult to reintegrate myself into my church. I almost feel like I don't know how to talk to people anymore. Because of the experiences I've had with sharing about my time overseas with certain people, I have become so shy. Which is so not me, if you know me at all. I've become shy because I'm afraid of people. And I know, this is something I need to work on, but when you've had people kind of look at you like you think you're better than them because you lived for a year as a missionary, in France no less, you become a little closed off. I went from being at a small church plant in Marseille, to Bethany (where almost everyone around you completely understands what you're going through) to a church with several hundred people, most of which whom I do not know anymore. It's been hard for me, and I'm trying to figure out healthy, good ways to reintegrate. So as we figure out ways to reintegrate, please be patient, and understand that this is not easy for us. Help us if you can, but pushing us, not such a good idea to be honest....

4. Finally, we are not the same people we were when we left.

As a missionary, and having one year on the field under my belt I can tell you this: I am a VERY different person from when I left for Marseille. I see the world differently now, I feel a part of two different cultures. I see the world through new eyes, and I have grown in my faith and my relationship with God so much! This doesn't mean that my life is easier, or my walk with Him is simple now, but this means it is deeper, and more a part of who I am than ever. I had to rely completely on Him in EVERY way. I also grew very close with my team, because I had to rely on them for a lot as well. Through living in a another culture, leaning on God completely, and learning to love others no matter what, I have changed so incredibly much. I don't even recognize myself anymore, and I really love it. Because I have changed for the better, I'm still me, and I'm in no way shape or form perfect, but I'm a better me than I was two years ago, and that makes me happy.

That being said, be understanding that the person you knew before may not be there anymore. That is not to say that your relationship with them has completely changed, or that all is lost. This means that you might have to get to know them a little bit again. They are still them, but a newer, better them. Take the time to understand where they are coming from, how life has changed for them, it'll be worth it.

Okay, so now that we've covered all those topics, here's my closing: be patient with us, and get to know us again. We've gleaned some wisdom from living in another culture (if we've spent our time at all wisely), we're different, but we're still us. Let us share a little bit about our experience, not because we're bragging, or because we're better than you, but if we're building a friendship with you, we want to share this part of our lives, because it's a vital part of who we've become, and because it's a part of us now. If we like you enough to share, that's saying a lot. Be understanding, be kind, and know that we're trying, hard as it can be fore us at times, we are trying.

So, have a Merry Christmas, have happy holidays together with your loved ones, and remember you are loved. God became a baby, who grew into a man that died and rose again for you whether you believe in Him or not, He believes in you. He loves you.

Blessings and Love,

Chrissy