I am writing a special blog post today, it is not to give updates, but to share some thoughts that I've been having. I will post a blog with updates later this month though, so be on the look out for that!
Today is my birthday. I am twenty-four now, and I just wanted to reflect on some things that have been on my mind, and the minds of others as well. But before I do, I want to share a little more about myself. Many of you reading this post may already know these things about me, but for those of you who don't, this is for you, to have a peek into my heart, to understand better where I am coming from.
I was raised in a Christian home. For the most part. While there were things, traumatic, life altering things that happened to me in my early childhood, one thing remained constant: Jesus. My family went to church at least two or three times a week, most times more than that. My parents were very involved there, and I was very close to many of the children in our church as well. When I was six, I remember very distinctly the Lord placing a call on my life to be a missionary. I didn't know what that meant, but I knew that it was what I had to do. When I was eight, I learned about Nate Saint and Jim Elliot, two missionaries who gave their lives to share the gospel. That was the first time I knew that this calling could cost me my life. As I grew up, this calling faded into the background, I got caught up in the typical life of the American teenager, struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, the pressure to be cool, the sexuality of society, and the burning need to be accepted by men. When I was seventeen I made a decision. I was done with Christianity, I was done trying to please a God I wasn't even sure existed. I spent the next two years dabbling in witchcraft, mysticism, and doing whatever I felt like doing, when I felt like doing it. But one day, after a series of events, I heard it. The voice of my Savior. It was a voice that was small, but strong. Not pushy, or commanding, but loving and gentle. That day, four and a half years ago, I gave my life to Jesus. That day, my life was no longer my own.
After all of this, the Lord reignited a fire in my heart for missions. I knew it was what I was supposed to do with my life: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20 ESV) It wasn't very long after this that God gave me direction of what that would look like for me: an orphanage. This spoke greatly to my heart, I have always had a heart for children, to love and care for them, especially those that needed love the most. Then, He called me to a specific place: Iraq. This was insanity. I had never felt particularly drawn to the Middle East, and of all the places in the Middle East, Iraq was not exactly the most peaceful place... But the I could not deny what He had said. Iraq. Since that day I have carried this dream in my heart. To build an orphanage in Iraq. But the desire to go was just not there. I think you might know where I'm going with this...
The past month and a half has been a steady decline in Iraq. And as things worsened, my desire to go grew. Now it is a burning flame. I know I have to wait, I know now is not the time to go, but I must say this: my heart is breaking. Every day there is something new: children being killed, families torn apart, men and women being executed, all for their faith. Today was one of the best and worst pictures I have seen: A man, a smile on his face, so much joy and peace on his face with a rope around his neck. the last picture was of him hanging, members of ISIS cheering behind him... So many emotions went through me as I looked at that picture. Grief and sadness for the loss of a life, joy that he was able to stay true to his Savior until the end, and is now reunited with him, and hope. Hope that one day, were I faced with the decision of renouncing my Lord, I could stand strong, just like that man, and smile knowing that I would see the face of my Love soon.
"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21 ESV) Such a short verse, written by Paul, from a jail cell. But a powerful verse. These people, in Iraq are living out this verse. They are willing to die for the truth, they are willing to die instead of renouncing their Savior. My heart yearns to be there, but I cannot be, so here is what I ask, here is what I challenge: Pray. I have talked often of prayer in other blog posts, because I know it is a powerful and effective tool "The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." (James 5:16 ESV) We need to stand up for our brothers and sisters, in prayer and intercession. God has a plan, make no mistake, and even as lives are lost, hope is born. The Lord is righteous and just, and even if we do not understand His plans, we know that He is working. We need to pray for the strength of believers, for their protection, and for aid for them. Pray blessings over those that are helping them.
I want to take today, my birthday, not to focus on myself, but to focus on our brothers and sisters in the persecuted church, especially those in Iraq. These people, our family, have decided to say "My life is not my own." and lay everything down for the sake of the gospel. I pray for them, and I also pray that if a day comes when I am faced with the choice of torture and death, or renouncing the God that I love, the one who has called me to Himself, who suffered and died for me, the one who has loved me beyond imagining even when I spat in His face, the one who has given me the ability to live, and to love others, that I will choose Him. That I will choose a moment of torture, of pain, and of death, to spend an eternity in the presence of the one whom my soul loves, the One whom has loved me first.
If we truly believe that we are part of the family of God, then make no mistake, we are not untouched by this tragedy. And even as I grieve, I rejoice, because their suffering has ended, and they can now be with the One that they gave their life for, the One that has given His life for them.
Blessings and Love,
Chrissy
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