How Deep the Father's Love...

Hello everybody! I hope that, as always, I find you well and in good spirits as we are entering into the Christmas season! I want to apologize for not posting in a while, October and much of November was a bit rough for me to be honest and transparent with you all. As I'm sure you can infer, support raising is always a roller coaster, especially for me. But as always, God is faithful, and continues to give me hope and joy through the difficulties of support raising.

As I've mentioned before, I'm currently residing in New York with my sister, brother-in-law, and my beautiful baby niece, Selah, who is getting bigger every day! As my sister and I get into a routine of putting her to bed we've found that there is one song that seems to put her right to sleep, it's a song that I've sang many times, but until I sang it one night, my sister hadn't heard it before. The name of my niece's "lullaby" is How Deep the Father's Love for Us. Now just in case you, like my sister was, are unfamiliar with the song, here are the lyrics:

"How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom"

When I was at my lowest, this song brought me back. This song that I "randomly" (There are no coincidences in things like this in the Kingdom of God) remembered one night while we were trying to sing my niece to sleep brought tears to my eyes and began to heal the brokenness in my heart.

This song touched me in a depth that I needed, as I sang the words I felt the healing balm only the blood of Christ can provide. And as I sang the same song, over, and over during the next several nights I felt more and more healing. I can't describe it, I almost don't understand it other than the words opened a door that had been locked until that point where I needed to let Jesus in and clean it out.

The lyrics of this song are truly powerful. When I think about the sacrifice, not only of Christ, but that God the Father made, it makes me realize how loved I am. When I was singing this song, I truly was feeling like a wretch. I was not feeling so great about myself, ungrateful, selfish, all because I was letting the difficulties of being a missionary support raising get to me. But the sacrifice God had to endure, as he had to turn His face from Jesus, was so much greater, and all so that He could adopt me. So that He would never be separated from me gain, even in my selfish, ungrateful, sin. Even before I had accepted His grace, even after, God made this sacrifice because, my Daddy, He loves me. And I was sitting there, singing to my niece about our God, about our Daddy that loves us so much, I almost  lost it, because I realized that even though my imperfect earthly father was gone, and I could no longer hear him say that he loved me too, I have a Heavenly Father that loves me even more. I know that even though I miss my dad, so much, everyday, I have a Father that is still here, with me, still loving me, still sad when I'm sad, still excited when I get excited.

Then I think about how it is my actions, my choices that caused the need for the sacrifice. I may be a missionary, I may have decided to devote my life to serving God in ministry, but that does not mean in any way that I don't sin. And at that point, I had sinned plenty. My thoughts had become so self-centered, so selfish, so caught up in my lack, that I was missing the whole point of my career choice, the whole point of my entire life: the cross. Ashamed, I heard my mocking voice calling out. But I know, I don't have to wallow in that. I don't have to beat myself up over my actions, because as He died, I received life. I know that it is finished.

Finally, I cannot boast in anything. I'm not perfect, I'm not even close. Nothing that I do that is right is by my own strength, because when I'm operating in my own strength, I am a weak and useless thing. On my own I am about as ineffective as a plastic tree is at providing oxygen. But when I am in Christ, when I am trusting in Him, believing in Him, letting Him use me, even if everything looks bad, I'm in the best place I can be. Why He chose me, why He is sending me, I cannot even begin to fathom, but I know that He did. I know that I am His, and I am forgiven. I know that He is sending me, that He has a purpose for my life, and I know that I need to see this life through. I need to live my life everyday, walking the path He has set before me.

I say all this, not to have some sort of false humility, or to make you feel sorry for me in any way. I say this because this is my walk with God. It's not a simple cut and dry straight arrow. I say this because I want to be transparent and honest with the people who are supporting me, and praying for me. God hears your prayers, and I am certainly grateful for your support. This is not an easy time in my life by any means, but I have heard so many great words about that recently. Some of our best moments come from the desert. This year has been one massive desert for me, if I'm being honest. I look back at this year (Because yes, December is upon us!), and I realized that in this year, I started support raising, my dad passed away, and I (sort of) moved to New York. It's been one doozy of a year, and as I said, much of it has been a desert for me, but by the grace of God I am still standing. I think about what the word says,

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;  persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 (ESV)

Now, I have not been persecuted, or thrown in jail, but I've been through my own troubles this year, but God has kept me up, given me hope, loved me through this time. I am forever thankful for His love, His grace, and His mercy.

So take this with you, remember this: all these things the Lord has done for me, He will do for you and more, because He loves us. He is here, now, and He loves you. The sacrifice, the pain, the death, and the resurrection were all for you. Remember that.

Blessings and Love,

Chrissy