Hi everybody!
I hope this finds you well! First off I want to say thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement and reminded me that I am not alone in this after my last blog post! You are all such blessings to me! Second, I want to briefly address what's been going on these past few weeks. My dad is just getting home from the hospital today. As some of you may know, he's had a lot of health problems over the years, and I'm thankful that he's doing better. Please continue to keep him and my family in prayer.
So, I've been learning a lot lately... Especially in this season of loneliness. While I know I'm not alone, it still has been a very lonely time for me. In fact, much of my life has been, but I won't go into all that now. I really want to focus on this season. This season of my life is such an interesting one. It's a season of prolonged transition.
I've just come from an incredible school, where I built such strong, beautiful friendships with some of the most amazing people. I'm still readjusting in some ways to living back in the States, while also preparing to move overseas again. And I am so very much missing three wonderful, beautiful, incredible young women, and our time living together in France, and being so close with each other we were like family. They will always be family to me, no matter the distance, or time without speaking.
Now I'm here. Trying to connect, but not put down roots. Trying to build relationships and invest, but realizing that I'm leaving within the next several months. How easy, how desirable to just do something easier than this. It would be so much easier to give into the temptation of finding a "real" job, putting roots down, and calling it quits on Belfast. On missions. On my calling. SO much easier. Easier to throw up my hands and be done with it all. And believe me, it's been a thought.
"Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right." -Albus Dumbledore (JK Rowling). Say what you will about Harry Potter, but those are some wise words right there. I believe this is the time in my life where I'm making that choice. Sure, choosing to give up on being a missionary may not be the worst thing in the world. I could just do ministry here in the States, where I could actually get paid for it too! I could get a "real" job. I could do all of that, be a nice, normal, American girl, put down roots, get married, and not live an ocean away from my family.
But you know what? That would be wrong. That would be making a choice that was easy. Why is that? Because God has placed a calling on my life, and over one year ago He called me to a specific place, to specific people. And when He called me there, He knew exactly how long it would take for me to get there. He knows exactly who's lives I will impact, and exactly who will impact my life. See, it is so easy to loose perspective, and see the easy way out as an option, as the "right" choice when you live your life without eternity in mind.
My life is not my own. This earth is not my home. I believe this is why this has been such a lonely time for me. This is a time for me to draw close to God, to remember that having people surrounding me is not my everything. My everything is Christ, His love, and His blood shed for me, and the victory I have in His resurrection. God has a purpose for my life, He has given me a fire and a passion for people, and to see them set free, as I have been. This is what is right. This is my path. My flesh, and the devil are working hard to convince me to make the easy choice, but the One within me is stronger than both. The power that raised Christ from the dead is so much stronger than my own fleshly desires.
I could walk away. No one would fault me, or tell me I was doing wrong. But I know I would be. I would be abandoning that which the Lord has called me to. I find strength in knowing that I am stepping out and fulfilling the calling God has on my life. Let people think I'm crazy, or stupid, or foolish. Maybe I will be alone in this, maybe the rest of my life I will be alone, but I am not, nor will I ever be truly alone. There may not be one person around me, but I know that I am never alone.
"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20 ESV, Emphasis mine)
This is my time in the desert, my time of temptation. But I live not on bread alone, but on the word of God. I may be weak, but it is through that weakness the power of the Holy Spirit shines through. I'm no better, no higher, no greater than any person in this world. I fall down, I make mistakes, I sin, but I have to rely on God. Because of my brokenness, because of my sins, my failures, I know I need redemption. I have hope, I have love, I have security in who I am. I know that my home is not of this world, that my treasure is not here. I belong to Christ, and through His death and resurrection I am redeemed.
The Lord told me why He is sending me to Belfast. He told me He has plans for the people there. He told me that He wants to use me, to use the team I'm joining to bring wholeness by the power of His Spirit, to raise up worshipers and intercessors. He will move in a mighty way. I cling to this promise. I hold fast to His word.
So I have made my choice. I will walk out in the promises of God. I will choose what is right. I will follow the path He has laid out for me. I will continue to push through difficult times, to have faith when I cannot see the finish line. I will continue to run this race with endurance. I encourage you to do the same. Have faith. If God has promised you that it will come to pass, believe it. It might not look the way you want it to, but believe me, He will work everything out for the good of those that love him. Remember, we are running a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes things take longer than we want them to, but it will all be worth it in the end.
Hi everyone! Just wanted to give you a monthly update on what's going on with me, my support raising, and my journey!
As of right now I have $310 monthly, verbally pledged! That is so exciting! I still have a ways to go, but I am so excited for the people who have decided to join my team this month! I am still working on raising support, but have pulled back just a little bit because of everything going on with my dad's health.
Speaking of, my dad is doing well right now. He is stable, but there's no denying that he is sick. I am helping my mom take care of him, and I believe this is what the Lord is wanting me to focus on at the moment, so while I am still raising support, I am not spending quite as much time on it as I normally would be.
So for those that are wondering how I'm doing, well, things have been pretty difficult lately. Earlier this month a friend that I had lost touch with, but whom I used to be very close to passed away. She had been a very dear friend to me, we even had matching tattoos. It was very hard for me when I found out, but I know that she is with the Lord, and I will see her again. But it has been a time of grieving for me.
Also, as I mentioned, my father is not in the best of health. It has been very difficult for my family in dealing with this together. He is tired, as he has been sick for so long, it's starting to really wear on him. It's also been hard on my mom and I, as well as my siblings. It's not easy to see someone you love in this state. We know at this point that things are probably not going to get better, so now we're just praying for him to be comfortable, and peaceful. He might have a few more years, a few more months, only God knows how much time we have left with him, but right now we're just praying for him to feel more comfortable and more at peace. This has been no easy thing for us, so prayers are very much appreciated.
And lastly, I've been feeling very alone. I've felt very isolated through this time, when I feel like I need community, I feel like I just haven't quite had any. I'm being really real with you all, because I know I can be. I know I have the Lord, and my relationship with Jesus has brought much comfort to me, but I know He also created us for community. While I've had some, I haven't had much, and it's been really, really hard. So please pray for me. Pray that the Lord would bring people into my life, that could be there for me consistently, and come around me as a body of believers. I've tried reaching out, but I just feel rejected, or like I'm just not in the same place as other girls my age, so please pray for the right girls to come along, and that I would be able to be there for them as they are for me.
This is a short post, but I just wanted to keep you updated on what's going on. I know that living for Christ can sometimes be a lonely life, but I also know that it's worth it. The Lord is working, God is still on the throne, and Jesus is still my Savior. I'm sad, but I am not crushed. I trust that God is doing great things, and while I grieve, and I deal with the difficulties of this life, I know that I have hope. I do not despair, because no matter how hard things get, no matter how alone I feel, God is still God, and He is with me. Thank you all for your prayers and support. They truly mean the world to me.
Normally I don't write here in such a way, but this week I just want to again, address some of the things happening in the world, and the church's response to it.
Now here is my disclaimer: this is the first, and very possibly (depending on the future which only God knows) the last time I will be posting in any sort of political way in this blog. The reason I am doing so is that the Lord has been moving on my heart to do so, which is why I am writing this at almost one o'clock in the morning. And by saying this, I am not saying that what I say is gospel. But I do feel this is on God's heart, and it's actually something that has been on my heart since even before the attacks and subsequent division in America about the Syrian refugee crisis. So here it goes, and bear with me, whichever way you lean on this issue, please try to understand where this is coming from, and that this is a Christian post, so it won't be riddled with facts and statistics because it is not my aim to convince to you to join my side, but rather a challenge to think about this from a different perspective, from a perspective of Christ. Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's dive in, shall we?
The Dangers...
So I figured we'd start with the obvious. The world was rocked once again, on Friday, October 13th when several attacks were carried out in Paris, killing 129 people, injuring over 300, and changing countless lives forever. My heart broke as the news reports came flooding in. I lived in France for over a year of my life. I had stayed in a little apartment just twenty minutes from Bataclan when I had visited Paris last year, I had friends in Marseille, a highly Muslim populated area. What would happen there? There are no words to describe how I felt. The people of this nation that I love so dearly were being terrorized. And I could only begin to imagine how they were feeling. It reminded me of how I felt when I was eleven years old, and the planes hit the towers in my native state of New York. I felt like that little girl again, confused, angry, grieved. While I was not deeply connected to the situation, I could empathize, I felt touched, even if it was just barely.
I share this because I want you to understand: While I may not have been directly effected by these horrible events, I was effected in some way. I was deeply saddened, and wanted retribution for these heinous acts. And as you can see my immediate thought was: what about my friends that live in a city surrounded by Muslims? Marseille has a population that is made up of close to, if not over 50% Muslims, from North Africa, the Middle East, etc. That was my gut reaction: will something happen there? But nothing did. Northing happened in Marseille.
Fast forward to now, our country is being divided: do we let in all of these refugees, where a terrorist could easily smuggle themselves in under the guise of being a refugee? What if there's another attack because we let them in? And again I have to admit that my initial reaction is: Ummmm..... NO! I mean this is stupid, how is this even an argument? We're going to put all our lives at risk so these people have a place to escape to? Why doesn't Saudi Arabia take them in? There's got to be other countries that are closer, and not my country that can take them in, surely!
Now let me say this: this is a very valid argument. I understand, we don't want more bloodshed. We do not want another attack. I've heard both sides, that there is an excellent vetting and backing process for each refugee, and that that is a bunch of crap and there is no way to guarantee that each citizen that comes through is a "safe" person. So is this the right answer? Should we just leave it here, and be done. I mean let's be honest, all the vetting in the world still couldn't really weed out all the terrorists, could it? But that's most definitely not the end....
Stuff Christians Say...
I said this was a Christian article, didn't I? So I want to address Some things that I've been hearing: "Let's just turn the Middle East into a parking lot." "We should just kill them [Middle eastern Muslims] all." Hm.
That sounds super Christ like, right? Yeah, no. So we have this situation on our hands now: letting refugees get caught in all this crossfire, killed, tortured, mutilated, or offering them sanctuary. It would be simple except they're Muslim and could be hiding terrorists in their ranks. So would it just be easier to let them all die then? To let them starve, to let the children be abused, to let ISIS get to them and perform unspeakable horrors?
"It would be easier if they were Christians, but they're not, so oh well." "Tough." "We're safe, they're not, it's the luck of the draw." "Sucks to be you." "Close the borders and let them figure this out on their own." "This is not my problem." we say as we sip over priced coffee from our ombre red Starbucks cups, which we're totally offended by, by the way. But whatever, we need our caffeine fix and Starbucks is everywhere.
We sit in our comfy chairs in our big houses watching our flat screen tv with pictures from halfway around the world, and we're told one way or another how we should think. So we listen and accept like a spoon fed baby. Meanwhile these refugees are wondering where their next meal will come from, if they will be gunned down, if their children will survive the flight from their home. Their home. But this problem is just too great, there's too great a threat to our safety, so we don't think twice about it.
I don't say this to be overly critical, guys, I thought the same thing almost literally hours ago. I felt the same way. I didn't want to deal. I knew this was a rock and a hard place because I, among many Christians, do actually care about these people, but we also care about our safety, and the safety of our children. I get it! Really, I do. It is massively dangerous to open our land to so many people, some of which could be coming here with the intent to harm. But here's something else we need to think about....
What the Bible Says...
"If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.20 Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. " (John 15:19-20 ESV)
Not what you thought I'd post, is it? I could post any number of verses on refugees, to care for foreigners, for those in need, and I might still include some at the end, but I want to talk about this for a little bit. See, the West has largely forgotten these verses. The persecuted are in Africa, the Middle east, the jungles of South America maybe, but not here not in America! But guess what, we are not exempt from persecution. Does this mean we want to be persecuted? No! Does this mean we want to let those who would persecute us through violence and fear waltz right through our front door? No! That's unwise. Haha, I anticipated that one too guys. I told you I've thought about this. A lot. But does that mean that we shut out the orphan and widow so that we can avoid persecution? Absolutely not.
Church we did not do our part and we are reaping what we've sewn. "Say what now?!" Here's what I'm saying: Missions has been largely neglected over the past several years. And there were very few who would be willing to set foot in the Middle East. I mean let's be honest, why would you trade in your Cadillac, white picket fence, living on a cul de sac with sparky and 2.5 kids, and a nine to five job for the desert and a possible beheading? Not many people would... Sure, let's go to church every Sunday. That works, but taking the gospel to the Muslims? Um, no. It isn't until recently (within the last ten or fifteen years) that this has begun to actually take off.
So now, because we did not, as a church, go to these people, who clearly desperately need to know Christ, they are strapping bombs to themselves, and shooting civilians in cafes and concert halls because they think that's how they'll get to heaven. They are terrorizing their own people because it's comply or die. The devil just waltzed right in there and wreaked havoc so fully on these people that we have become terrified to do exactly what God commands us to do: take care of the hurting, take care of those in need.
So here's how I see it: There is an entire mission field of people coming to the States. Instead of us going to them, they are coming to us. And yes, there might be a terrorist, or two, or five, or eighty, or one hundred mixed in there. But guess what? "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:44) Those terrorists, they need Jesus just as much as you or I do. And what if, just imagine with me for a second here, we as a church gathered around these refugees, we gave time, effort, and whatever else we can give, to show them that they are loved. To show them Jesus. What if those terrorists see the love of Christ in us, and instead turn around and realize that what they are planning is evil? What if they get saved, turn around, return to these terror cells and share Christ with them? Oh church, how beautiful that would be. Now you may call me a dreamer (John Lenin reference intended), but here's something that you need to remember: the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in us. If that power can raise Christ from the dead, I think that power can change the heart of a terrorist, of five, ten, eighty, hundreds, thousands of terrorists.
Guys, Jesus came to bring us life, and these men will have to answer for what they do and have done before the judgement seat of Christ, but I have to be honest, I would rather see them come to know Christ, love Him, and share Him with others, than obliterated. And that is the power of Christ in me, because my flesh wants retribution, but my spirit wants more brothers in Christ worshiping alongside me for all eternity.
The Father's Heart...
So, I just want to share this last bit with you, on the Father's heart, hence the title of my blog post.
I recently re-watched the movie Blood Diamond. It's a great movie on the conflict diamond trade and child soldiers. It's a double whammy, so bring the tissues.
Anyway, there is this scene towards the end of this movie, and if you don't like spoilers, then just skip over this part. Now I need to give this back bit before I continue: Solomon (our protagonist) has spent almost this entire movie searching for his family. He finds his wife and two daughters, but finds that Dia (his son) has been taken and made a child soldier, made to kill, steal, do drugs, etc. So Solomon sets off with Danny Archer (our amoral sidekick to the protagonist) to find Dia. Danny's in it because he's looking for a giant diamond Solomon buried in the hills at a diamond mining camp. After a series of events, including finding Dia again, and reuniting father and son, Danny, Solomon, and Dia end up in the hills, digging up this diamond. These soldiers, Danny knows, are going to kill Solomon, Dia, and Danny, and take the diamond for themselves. So before Solomon finds it, Danny kills the soldiers, Solomon digs up the diamond, and Danny calls Solomon's name with warning. Solomon looks up, and his own son, that he loves so dearly, is pointing a gun at him. He had spent all this time getting his son back, only to face this monster, that was threatening to kill him, his own father. But Solomon looks his son in the eye, he knows that the child is scared, and reacting from all the previous gunfire, and he says these words to him:
"Dia, What are you doing? Dia! Look at me, look at me. What are you doing? You are Dia Vendy, of the proud Mende tribe. You are a good boy who loves soccer and school. Your mother loves you so much. She waits by the fire making plantains, and red palm oil stew with your sister N'Yanda and the new baby. The cows wait for you. And Babu, the wild dog who minds no one but you. I know they made you do bad things, but you are not a bad boy. I am your father who loves you. And you will come home with me and be my son again."
Now, just so you can get the full effect I'm going to insert the clip here:
So why am I sharing this? Because we need to start humanizing people again*. This is God. He reminds us who we are. We have done bad things, some (not all) of these men that are training in these terrorist groups have been made to do bad things, just like Dia. But God loves them anyway. We have all been Dia, we have all been in a place where we were even trying to separate ourselves from God, but He reminded us whowe are. God created us, He created them, with a purpose, with a plan. Sometimes we deviate from that plan, but we are still created by Him none the less. We are still loved by Him none the less. Jesus still died for us. We have got to remember that when taking into account all of these people, from the refugees to those terrorizing them: God knew us before we were formed in our mothers' wombs. God has a plan and a purpose for our lives. Every life is precious.
*I am not saying we should not go to war, or try to stop terrorists, but if there ever is another way (and again, not saying there is) we should always try to find it, we should seek the way that gives the most opportunity for people to live, and have a chance to know Christ.
So Now What...?
I've given you more than enough to chew on. All I am asking, is not that you change your mind, or stance, but that you consider all sides. That you truly think about what Jesus would actually do. We all wore those bracelets a few years back, WWJD? Well I'm asking it now, and I really want you to think about your answer. Remember, Muslim is not synonymous with terrorist, and remember that every person should have a chance to hear the gospel, so far as we can give them that chance, we should do our best to. Food for thought is all this is, like I said in the beginning, I'm not throwing statistics, or highly researched facts around, I'm just thinking from a biblical perspective of things, and asking that you do too.
