Vulnerability

Hello Everyone!

I hope this post finds you well, and enjoying the hint of summer in the air! I have promised a blog post, so here it is, just before the end of the month! The reason I've waited is because I was working on some things, and hoping to be able to tell you all a little bit about it at this point. However, I'm still ironing out some details with the organizations I'm working with, so I will have to be a bit vague at the moment, but I will definitely have a bit more detail by my next post! So let's dive right in, shall we?

Summer is about to begin, and with that I have some good news! It looks like I'll be able to leave around August/September for Belfast! I am SO excited that this time of support raising is coming to a close, and this next season of being in Belfast is fast approaching. This is all pending some of the details currently being ironed out, so hopefully everything will work in favor of me leaving at that time. Now, I am still a bit short on my monthly support, so I do ask that if you are not financially supporting me, that you would prayerfully consider doing so. Also, just a friendly reminder, that this cannot be made official until everyone who has stated that they are going to give actually start giving, so that my sending organization, Bethany Gateways, has a physical record of the promise to give. To those that are giving, or supporting me through prayer, and everyone else who is just following my journey, thank you for being here through this. I am so thankful for all of you, and I cannot wait to share with you all the adventures and encounters that God will have for me in Belfast!

So, as my time in Belfast is fast approaching, I am reflecting on my time here in New York, and my overall time support raising. It's been so much of a rollercoaster time, I cannot even begin to tell you. As I think about it, I think about James 1, where it says,

"But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." (James 1:6-8)

When I read that verse, granted, Paul is talking about when we ask for wisdom, I think about my time during support raising. I feel as though this has been a time when the Lord has shown me how I need to stand strong, how I need to not let my doubts get in the way of his work. I cannot let myself be double-minded, I cannot be like a wave in the wind. If God said he would do it, no matter how impossible it seems, I need to believe he will do as he promised. I can see how this time has been a time to grow in this area in my life. I know that he's done so much for me before, he has provided time and again, when something seemed impossible, he always made it happen. So why, why was it so easy for me to forget those times, and question if it would happen?

The Old Testament is riddled with stories of those that forgot the provision of God, over, and over, and over again. I'm in good company there. But, I have to learn from their mistakes. I have to learn from my own mistakes, and that's what I've had to do. So many times I felt like I was sinking, like I wasn't good enough, like I wasn't cut out for this life, like all of this was too hard. I thought this way because I was so focused on myself. I was focused on my own abilities, my own connections, my own strength. So many times I was tempted to just give up. I was tempted to walk away from the path, the life that God had chosen, that God had called me to, that God had promised me. But every time, every single time, God would send someone (often my sister, or my best friend), or make sure I heard a message to encourage me. To remind me when my own memories failed me, that he had not abandoned me, that I had not heard him wrong, that he was working, even when I could not see. Over, and over, and over, God reached down to my most broken, most vulnerable place, and healed me. He lifted me up to where I needed to be, so that I could stand solidly on the rock of his truth, and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what I am meant to do, and that HE would make a way for me to do it.

So here I am, so incredibly close to reaching this goal, and all I can say is thank you. First and foremost, thank you God, for loving me through this time, even in the darkest moments, reminding me what you promised me. Thank you to my sister, and to my best friend, for always speaking truth to me, even when I didn't want to hear it. For letting me cry to you, and be vulnerable without worrying that you were judging me, and for loving me through some of my most unlovable times. God has truly blessed me with you both, and I could not be more thankful for you incredible women of God. Thank you to every person that has prayed for me, that has encouraged me, that has preached an amazing message, thank you. You have absolutely no idea how grateful I am for your prayers, your love, your support, your willingness to be lead by the Spirit. God has used you, and you have touched my life in a major way. So thank you, really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

So in conclusion, I am not a perfect person. God is working on me. He will always be working on me unto my death. I tell you all this, because I want to be vulnerable. I want you to know the struggles of support raising, of being a missionary, of being a follower of Christ. He never promised us an easy, simple life, but he did promise that all of it would be worth it, and I fully believe it will be. I shared this because I hope in some way, it will encourage all of you. That you will know, doubts will come, difficult times will come, but we have to stand firm on the promises of God. No matter how crazy, how insane, that if he has promised us something, and we know that he has promised it to us, that it will be so. It may not look the way we imagined, but it will still be fulfilled. I want my struggles to be a testimony of the greatness, the love, the grace of God to encourage others. That is why I share, that is why I am vulnerable with you all. So if you are in a struggle, first, feel free to contact me so that I can pray for you, second, know that you are not alone. You are loved. God sees, and he wants to help you through it, you just need to let him.


Blessings and Love,

Chrissy