Welcome to New York...

Hi everyone!

So it's that time again, for a quick update on life! This month's post will mostly be informational, so let's dive in and see what's going on in my life lately!

For the past several months I've been working at a daycare facility, and have truly loved it there. It's been a wonderful job for me, and I felt so blessed that the Lord provided this job for me at this time. It was also perfect timing because up until about a month ago I was still in the thick of my grieving process, and having the distraction of little smiling faces was always a welcome one. But now is time for a change, and through a whole series of events, I have one coming. I will be heading up to New York for the next few months to stay with my sister, and help her and my brother-in-law with my little niece (coming soon!)!

There are several reasons for this move, at first the plan had just been to help my sister out before heading straight off to Belfast, but since I have not completed raising support at this point, I'll be staying in New York until I'm ready to get my visa, then I'll be coming back down to Florida until I leave for Belfast. I believe that this move will be greatly beneficial for me, especially in opening new doors for raising support.

However, at this time I want to ask my praying folks out there, to please be praying for me in my last few weeks here in Florida. I have a very strong feeling that the Lord is wanting to do some big things for me when it comes to raising support. So please keep me, and all of my support raising in your prayers of the next few months, I would very much appreciate it!

I know some of you might be wondering how my mom is handling this, but please rest assured that I took this into account as well! She is very excited for me to take this next step, and see what God is going to do with it. She has assured me (because I still have my moments where I ask her "Are you SURE???") that she has plenty of great people around, like my cousin, my grandparents, her best friend June, and lots of amazing women from the church. Plus she's excited to come up once the baby is born!

So that is pretty much my big news! I am so excited to be taking this step forward, and I definitely believe that this is one more step towards getting to Belfast! I will continue to keep you all updated as I continue taking steps towards Belfast.

Blessings and Love,

Chrissy

A Father's Love

Hi everyone! I apologize for not writing for the past few months, but I'm sure you can understand that it's been a difficult time for me... We've had two memorial services for my dad, one here in Florida, one in New York, I had the privilege of attending my brilliant niece's high school graduation in Wichita, and was able to road trip up there with my mom, and of course it's just been a time of reflection and mourning for me to be honest. But now, it's time for me to move forward, and continue on this journey to Belfast, and I'm ready for it! I just want to dedicate this post to my dad, one of my biggest supporters, and the one who helped get me to where I am.

My dad and I had a rocky relationship to say the least, if I'm being totally honest. There were many elements that contributed to it's rockiness, but one of the ones I want to focus on is the fact that we were both extremely stubborn, like father like daughter. He was a lawyer, so at a young age, I had to learn how to argue my point. One of the things I remember from when I was little is he would tell me "I know everything." so I would counter, "Okay, when is Jesus coming back?" and he would say "I don't know that" so I would smile sweetly and say "Then you don't know everything." That was us. Arguing pretty consistently. Only when I got older the arguments got louder, and sometimes nastier.

But once I became an adult, things changed. He treated me as an adult. Sure, we argued, and sometimes, mostly because of his hearing to be honest, we'd yell at each other, but he began to treat me differently. It was almost like once I turned eighteen I was an adult, not just legally, but in his eyes. I was at an age where I could make decisions for myself, and for the most part, he respected them, even when he didn't agree. Now, as some of you may know, when I was eighteen I did not make the best decisions. Spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally I was a complete and total wreck. I was not prepared to be an adult. It wasn't until I was older, and willing to be healed, and to change that I began to get it together. But through all of that, my dad was understanding. Sure, I drove him crazy at times, and he'd let me know, but while he was helping me get back on my feet, he tried to be as supportive as he could.

Then, one day, I told him that I wanted to be a missionary. He couldn't have been happier. As long as I got my degree, because education was extremely important to him, then he wanted to help me do this. I agreed, because he had taught me the importance of education, so I found Bethany. I am so thankful that he was supportive of my decision to go there, it was the best four years of my life, going through the program, and it helped really heal my relationship with him in deep, and fundamental ways. There were things that I needed to work out (like I said earlier, we had a rocky relationship) in my own heart and life, and I was able to have a stronger relationship with him as my father.

Before I left for my internship in France one of the things he told me was this "Don't come back for anything. If anything happens to me, don't come back, finish what you started." I smiled and told him that I would come back anyway, but I would go back and finish my internship after. See, before I left for France, his health had deteriorated even further. The idea of him dying was not a farfetched one by any means. This was something I had learned to live with, something that had become a part of my life, and I would morbidly joke about with my closest friends, and silently cry about at night in my bed. This was my reality: that my dad would not make it much longer.

But I went to France, and I came back. He was still alive. I graduated from college, and even though he couldn't make it, he watched it live streaming at home. I came home, and prepared to leave for Belfast, and again, he told me "If you are over there, and anything happens to me, don't come back. Keep moving forward." I smiled and nodded, knowing I would still come home anyway. His health had gotten much worse than when I left for France, and now I knew it was a definite possibility that he would pass away soon.

All during my time of support raising for Belfast he was an encouragement. When I felt discouraged, and felt like I couldn't see how all this would work out, he would remind me that God was bigger than this. That He had called me to this, and He would see it through. He would remind me how proud of me he was, that I had chosen to dedicate my life to God, and his plans. He was very encouraging through it all, when I needed it most.

Then, in April, he was gone. His health deteriorated rapidly, and he was gone. I'm thankful I was here, that I was able to be here with my family, especially with my mom. But with my dad went all that encouragement. With him went so much that I didn't realize I had, that I had taken for granted. The first month of him being gone I was strong. I hardly cried. I thought I had mourned already, in the years before, when he had been ill. I thought that this was it, I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't feel anything deeper.

Then, on the way home from Kansas, I was listening to my music while my mom had her headphones in. The song Waka Waka by Shakira came on. I tried my best not to burst into tears. During the past month of not mourning, I'd also been questioning all of my life decisions. I'd been questioning if going to Belfast was the right choice, if God was really sending me there, if being a missionary was the right decision. I mean shouldn't I have a profession where I actually made money instead of asking for money from people? I had been questioning everything. Normally, in these times, I'd go talk to my dad, and he'd remind me, that God had called me to this, that He would provide, and I had to keep going and see it through. But I didn't have that anymore, and instead of going to my heavenly Father, I'd been letting the lies of satan poison my mind. Then this song came on, and all I kept hearing was "The pressure's on you feel it, but you got it all, believe it, When you fall get up, If you fall get up..." And it was almost as if I could hear my dad saying those words to me. Get up, stop letting those lies control your life, stop believing that God can't do this.

It took another month of mourning, and working things out, and going to God about it, but here I am now. Firmly believing that God can, and will do this. I know this is the path He has marked out for me, and I know that this is what my dad wanted for me. He was so proud of the fact that I had chosen to follow God, to choose a path that is in no way easy or simple. The life of a missionary is not easy, on the field or off during support raising or furlough. But it is an honor and a privilege.

I don't know how God is going to do all this. I don't know His plan in all this. I honestly have no clue how all the finances I need will come together for me to go to Belfast, but I know this: I serve a God who can make mountains move. Who can use a song about FIFA to remind me what my dead father would say to me during a time of weakness and doubt. I serve a God that has never failed to provide for every missions endeavor that I've ever made. A God who has never gone back on promises He's made. So yes, it might seem hopeless, I may go through times of doubt and questioning, but God never gives up on me, and He is always working in ways that I cannot see.

These are the things my father taught me, things that my dad made sure I understood. He taught me so much about justice, fairness, honesty, being observant, movies, tv shows, investigating, pain, sadness, hope, but the most important thing that he taught me is this: Christ is my Savior, and through Him all things can be done according to His good and perfect will. No one and nothing can stand in the way of the will of God, and as long as I submit myself to His will, He will work for my good. Whatever that good looks like, even if I don't see it in that moment, He works all things together for my good. So I trust in Him. This is the most important thing my dad taught me, despite differences, yelling matches, anything that either one of us ever did that was hurtful, he taught me the most important lesson that I could ever learn, and I will forever be grateful for that, and I will carry that legacy in my life, and if the Lord blesses me with children, then I will tell them about their grandfather, and what he taught me.

So this post is dedicated to my dad. A man who fought for equality for the hispanic community in New York, who served for twenty-five years on the NYPD, who had a brilliant mind, a curious mind, but most importantly who went on to give his life to Jesus, who dedicated his time to learning about Him, and committing his life to God, who had two beautiful great-grandchildren, ten wonderful, bright grandchildren, three incredible, brilliant children, two incredibly talented step-children, and one daughter that will forever be grateful for his love and dedication to God. He was not perfect, but he was my dad, and I love him, and will always miss him.

Joseph Charleman

January 28, 1937-April 8, 2016

There Will Be A Time When We Must Choose...

Hi everybody!
I hope this finds you well! First off I want to say thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement and reminded me that I am not alone in this after my last blog post! You are all such blessings to me! Second, I want to briefly address what's been going on these past few weeks. My dad is just getting home from the hospital today. As some of you may know, he's had a lot of health problems over the years, and I'm thankful that he's doing better. Please continue to keep him and my family in prayer.

So, I've been learning a lot lately... Especially in this season of loneliness. While I know I'm not alone, it still has been a very lonely time for me. In fact, much of my life has been, but I won't go into all that now. I really want to focus on this season. This season of my life is such an interesting one. It's a season of prolonged transition.

I've just come from an incredible school, where I built such strong, beautiful friendships with some of the most amazing people. I'm still readjusting in some ways to living back in the States, while also preparing to move overseas again. And I am so very much missing three wonderful, beautiful, incredible young women, and our time living together in France, and being so close with each other we were like family. They will always be family to me, no matter the distance, or time without speaking.

Now I'm here. Trying to connect, but not put down roots. Trying to build relationships and invest, but realizing that I'm leaving within the next several months. How easy, how desirable to just do something easier than this. It would be so much easier to give into the temptation of finding a "real" job, putting roots down, and calling it quits on Belfast. On missions. On my calling. SO much easier. Easier to throw up my hands and be done with it all. And believe me, it's been a thought.

"Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right." -Albus Dumbledore (JK Rowling). Say what you will about Harry Potter, but those are some wise words right there. I believe this is the time in my life where I'm making that choice. Sure, choosing to give up on being a missionary may not be the worst thing in the world. I could just do ministry here in the States, where I could actually get paid for it too! I could get a "real" job. I could do all of that, be a nice, normal, American girl, put down roots, get married, and not live an ocean away from my family.

But you know what? That would be wrong. That would be making a choice that was easy. Why is that? Because God has placed a calling on my life, and over one year ago He called me to a specific place, to specific people. And when He called me there, He knew exactly how long it would take for me to get there. He knows exactly who's lives I will impact, and exactly who will impact my life. See, it is so easy to loose perspective, and see the easy way out as an option, as the "right" choice when you live your life without eternity in mind.

My life is not my own. This earth is not my home. I believe this is why this has been such a lonely time for me. This is a time for me to draw close to God, to remember that having people surrounding me is not my everything. My everything is Christ, His love, and His blood shed for me, and the victory I have in His resurrection. God has a purpose for my life, He has given me a fire and a passion for people, and to see them set free, as I have been. This is what is right. This is my path. My flesh, and the devil are working hard to convince me to make the easy choice, but the One within me is stronger than both. The power that raised Christ from the dead is so much stronger than my own fleshly desires.

I could walk away. No one would fault me, or tell me I was doing wrong. But I know I would be. I would be abandoning that which the Lord has called me to. I find strength in knowing that I am stepping out and fulfilling the calling God has on my life. Let people think I'm crazy, or stupid, or foolish. Maybe I will be alone in this, maybe the rest of my life I will be alone, but I am not, nor will I ever be truly alone. There may not be one person around me, but I know that I am never alone.

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20 ESV, Emphasis mine)

This is my time in the desert, my time of temptation. But I live not on bread alone, but on the word of God. I may be weak, but it is through that weakness the power of the Holy Spirit shines through. I'm no better, no higher, no greater than any person in this world. I fall down, I make mistakes, I sin, but I have to rely on God. Because of my brokenness, because of my sins, my failures, I know I need redemption. I have hope, I have love, I have security in who I am. I know that my home is not of this world, that my treasure is not here. I belong to Christ, and through His death and resurrection I am redeemed.

The Lord told me why He is sending me to Belfast. He told me He has plans for the people there. He told me that He wants to use me, to use the team I'm joining to bring wholeness by the power of His Spirit, to raise up worshipers and intercessors. He will move in a mighty way. I cling to this promise. I hold fast to His word.

So I have made my choice. I will walk out in the promises of God. I will choose what is right. I will follow the path He has laid out for me. I will continue to push through difficult times, to have faith when I cannot see the finish line. I will continue to run this race with endurance. I encourage you to do the same. Have faith. If God has promised you that it will come to pass, believe it. It might not look the way you want it to, but believe me, He will work everything out for the good of those that love him. Remember, we are running a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes things take longer than we want them to, but it will all be worth it in the end.

Blessings and Love,

Chrissy

Through the Trial and the Pain...

Hi everyone! Just wanted to give you a monthly update on what's going on with me, my support raising, and my journey!
As of right now I have $310 monthly, verbally pledged! That is so exciting! I still have a ways to go, but I am so excited for the people who have decided to join my team this month! I am still working on raising support, but have pulled back just a little bit because of everything going on with my dad's health.

Speaking of, my dad is doing well right now. He is stable, but there's no denying that he is sick. I am helping my mom take care of him, and I believe this is what the Lord is wanting me to focus on at the moment, so while I am still raising support, I am not spending quite as much time on it as I normally would be.

So for those that are wondering how I'm doing, well, things have been pretty difficult lately. Earlier this month a friend that I had lost touch with, but whom I used to be very close to passed away. She had been a very dear friend to me, we even had matching tattoos. It was very hard for me when I found out, but I know that she is with the Lord, and I will see her again. But it has been a time of grieving for me.

Also, as I mentioned, my father is not in the best of health. It has been very difficult for my family in dealing with this together. He is tired, as he has been sick for so long, it's starting to really wear on him. It's also been hard on my mom and I, as well as my siblings. It's not easy to see someone you love in this state. We know at this point that things are probably not going to get better, so now we're just praying for him to be comfortable, and peaceful. He might have a few more years, a few more months, only God knows how much time we have left with him, but right now we're just praying for him to feel more comfortable and more at peace. This has been no easy thing for us, so prayers are very much appreciated.

And lastly, I've been feeling very alone. I've felt very isolated through this time, when I feel like I need community, I feel like I just haven't quite had any. I'm being really real with you all, because I know I can be. I know I have the Lord, and my relationship with Jesus has brought much comfort to me, but I know He also created us for community. While I've had some, I haven't had much, and it's been really, really hard. So please pray for me. Pray that the Lord would bring people into my life, that could be there for me consistently, and come around me as a body of believers. I've tried reaching out, but I just feel rejected, or like I'm just not in the same place as other girls my age, so please pray for the right girls to come along, and that I would be able to be there for them as they are for me.

This is a short post, but I just wanted to keep you updated on what's going on. I know that living for Christ can sometimes be a lonely life, but I also know that it's worth it. The Lord is working, God is still on the throne, and Jesus is still my Savior. I'm sad, but I am not crushed. I trust that God is doing great things, and while I grieve, and I deal with the difficulties of this life, I know that I have hope. I do not despair, because no matter how hard things get, no matter how alone I feel, God is still God, and He is with me. Thank you all for your prayers and support. They truly mean the world to me.

Blessings and Love,

Chrissy

Information Superhighway

Hello everyone!

Hope you are all doing well, and had lovely holiday seasons with your family and friends! I had a very relaxing time, and I am thankful for it. It's almost the end of January (Crazy!!) And the reason I'm writing so late this month is because, well I've been a bit busy. This month's blog will be mostly informational, because I actually have a bit of information to share, so yay! Okay, I'll try to keep this as entertaining as possible, so there may be a few jokes, or a bit of dry humor thrown in here or there to keep you all entertained. Ready? Let's take a journey on the information superhighway of my life! Woo-hoo!!

1. I have begun support raising! Yay! This is a wonderful time for me, because I have been able to start support raising, which I have been itching to do for a while now! Well what does this mean? Okay I'll explain: I'll be sending out letters, postcards, making phone calls, setting up meetings, etc. to meet with potential partners that want to help me on my journey to, and during my time in Belfast. I have a love hate relationship with this process, but mostly love. I love spending time with people who have it on their hearts to be part of my support team, who have caught the vision that God has given me for Northern Ireland. It is really exciting time to connect with old friends and meet some new ones. I'm just not a big fan of licking envelopes....

2. I had the opportunity to briefly share at church on Sunday, and I had a great response after service with people coming to me and asking for more information. I'm so excited to follow up with them, make appointments, and share more about the vision God's given me for Belfast!

3. Now this is half news half prayer request: Dad was in the hospital this week. He's home now, and it wasn't too major, just low blood pressure and some other issues, but he's home now, and he's doing well. My sister is here helping my mom and I out which has been such a huge blessing! While dad is doing better, this has thrown off my support raising schedule a bit. While of course this is by far not the biggest issue, it is something that has happened. SO all that to say please be keeping my dad and his health in your prayers. Also please be keeping my mom in your prayers, since she is his primary caregiver, and takes a lot of this on her shoulders which has taken it's toll on her in the past. And please keep the rest of my family in your prayers, as this is always a difficult time for our family, and puts us all a little bit on edge.

4. Okay now a full on prayer request for me: please pray for encouragement for me during this time. I firmly believe that during this time satan will try to use different things to discourage me, to keep me from getting to Belfast. I am so excited to get there, and join the team, but the waiting can really be a time of growth and encouragement, or a time of frustration and discouragement. I ask that you pray that this be a time of growth and encouragement. That I would not grow weary, but keep pushing on strong.

Okay, so that's it for this month. Thanks for bearing with me, for praying with me, for agreeing with me. It means the world! Keep being encouraged in the Lord, and know that He loves you, He is for you, and He is a great and merciful God. Love you all and hope that in this new year you are blessed beyond measure, and that the love of Christ be revealed to you in new and wonderful ways!

Blessings and Love,

Chrissy